


Our Darkest Hour

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, Episode: s16e23 Surrendering Noah, Friendship, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6317980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one wanted a tragedy like this but if this is what it took to get those two back together then something good would come of all of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Darkest Hour

Trevor Langan was trying to breathe but he couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t something figurative, it was literal, and he had to stop, lean on a pillar, and try to get some breath into his lungs. He’d run a block since police cruisers still had most of the street blocked. As he rushed up to Hogan Place there were police, press, and security everywhere and looky-loos were being held behind yellow tape. He showed his PD’s office ID to two police officers who were unimpressed. 

Finally, the head of security recognized him and waved him through. There weren't going to be any more cases this afternoon but mediations and work was going on inside. It was at the top of the many steps that Trevor stopped to breathe. An hour ago there had been a shooting. It had been twenty minutes since Trevor got the call. 

The Johnny D sex trafficking case took a bad turn and gunfire erupted in the courtroom. He was a told that a judge, cop, and lawyer were all shot but no one could name names. Trevor immediately left his uptown office and began to call Rafael. Both his professional and personal phone were going straight to voicemail. He left one message but still kept trying to call. The whole cab ride over, Trevor tried to stop thinking about Rafael lying on a cold, hard floor covered in blood. 

He couldn’t be dead, Trevor was sure he would feel it somewhere in his soul. Of course he couldn’t breathe, what if it was because Rafael couldn’t breathe. No, no, no, no, no, he screamed over and over again in his mind. He might be hurt, there had been a shooting, but he wasn’t dead. Trevor had to get his wits back and find out where Rafael was. 

He willed the breath to start refilling his lungs enough for him to move without being lightheaded. His PD’s office ID got him inside but there was no skipping the metal detectors as usual. Trevor took off his belt and watch, the stupid machine still beeped. Security ran over his body with a wand, made him take off his shoes, and patted him down. Trevor didn’t have the time or energy to be upset; safety came first. 

He carried everything with him straight to the elevator and up to the 6th floor where Rafael’s office was. He ran off the elevator, slipping but not falling, as he rushed toward his office. Carmen was walking down the hall at the same time and they looked at each other. Trevor searched her eyes; couldn’t make out what her face was trying to say. His breath caught in his throat and the sound that came from his diaphragm was one of pain, physical and mental. 

She nodded solemnly toward the office. Trevor dropped everything on the floor and rushed over to the doorway. There he was, lying on the couch with his eyes closed. There was blood on his rumpled shirt and suspenders. Was it his own or someone else’s? That didn’t quite matter at the moment, he was alive. He looked to be alive.

“Rafi!” the name came from his lips in a strangled gasp as he stepped into the room.

Rafael opened his eyes and tilted his head to look up. He knew the voice, he would know the voice anywhere. How he got into the building and up to the 6th floor was a mystery, as far as Rafael knew they were still on a semi-lockdown. None of that matter as he stood and rushed into Trevor’s arms.

“I'm alright.” He whispered as Trevor crushed his body against his own. “I'm alright.”

“Oh God, I thought you were dead.”

Carmen came and closed the door to give the two attorneys a moment. Rafael reminded himself, for the 20th time, to buy her something nice in the very near future. He was clinging to Trevor, who was crying like he'd never heard before. Of course he'd heard and seen Trevor cry before. They'd watched My Dog Skip and Titanic and Forrest Gump so his emotions were well known. This was something else entirely. He was sobbing, holding onto him and stroking his hair as if he was never going to see him again.

“C'mon, let's sit.”

It wasn’t easy to drag all six feet and five inches of a man over to the couch but Rafael did the best he could while still captured in his bear like embrace. Even when they were sitting, Trevor still didn’t let go and it took a while but the ADA finally surrendered, mostly because it was useless to try to get away. He tried to comfort Trevor, ease his fears and wipe his tears, but for the moment it was pure, raw emotion.

“I thought you were dead.” Trevor sobbed. “Oh Jesus, Rafael.”

“I'm going to be fine. How did you…?”

“I got a phone call. Someone told me an ADA in the sex trafficking trial had been shot. I couldn’t breathe.”

“It’s OK, calm down.” Finally extracting himself from Trevor, Rafael put his hand on his chest. Sure enough his heart was pounding a mile a minute. “Calm down cuchura,” he whispered. “You’re going to have a panic attack.”

“I thought you were dead.” Trevor said, unable to find the words to explain what he was feeling. “What was I going to do?”

“I'm not dead.” Rafael said firmly. “Lean back, close your eyes; close your eyes Trevor. I'm not going anywhere. Just breathe, in and out.”

He held tightly to Rafael’s hand, fingers laced, and tried to breathe. He didn’t even realize that Carmen came into the room…she moved silently. She left tea on the table and Trevor’s shoes, belt, and watch in the chair. Rafael nodded at her and she gave him a sympathetic smile. These two just needed to realize they belonged together and get it over with. 

She’d known Rafael Barba for some years and he never looked at anyone the way he looked at Trevor Langan, even when didn’t mean to. And Trevor would come to the office and be an adorable pain in the neck, flirting mercilessly with her but he was always thinking about Rafael. The wheels in his head never stopped spinning. No one wanted a tragedy like this but if this is what it took to get those two back together then something good would come of all of it.

“Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.” Rafael said quietly, bending to kiss their joined hands as Carmen closed the door.

“Cheeseburgers.” Trevor replied.

“Well that’s good, you're starting to come down some.”

“I was terrified.”

“You're still terrified; you're still shaking.”

“I didn’t want to lose you.” Trevor opened his eyes to look at him and Rafael gave him the look. He closed his eyes again. “Are you sure you're alright?”

“I'm fine. That maniac got his hands on one of the deputy’s guns. He shot the judge, he shot Nick Amaro, and Amaro killed him. The deputy is also dead but Johnny D did that. It was chaos, and it was scary, but it’s over.”

“Is Nick Amaro going to be alright?”

“I got a text from Liv, he’s in surgery. Now stop talking and just breathe.”

“I'm OK.”

“You're still trembling.” Rafael reasoned.

“I think I'm not going to be able to shake that for a while.” Trevor opened his eyes and sat up. “Can I just have another hug? I was really worried about you.”

“You never have to ask for a hug.” Rafael put his arms around him. “And you're also not going to get rid of me that easily either. I'm going to be around to torture you for decades to come.”

“Promise me Rafi.” Trevor buried his forehead in Rafael’s shoulder.

“I promise.” He stroked the back of Trevor’s hair. “I appreciate so much that you're here, that you care.”

“Of course I care!”

“OK, OK, you're going to get flustered all over again.” Rafael held up his hand to stem the tide of emotions he could feel coming from Trevor. “I didn’t mean it like that…you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I love you so much.” Trevor bit his trembling lip so he wouldn’t start crying again. “I love you, Rafi.” 

“Te amo.” He caressed his bearded face. “We should just get out of here. I guess the lockdown is over because you got through.”

“I wasn’t exactly taking no for an answer. Is that tea for me?”

“Yes, and Carmen brought in your shoes. Do I want to know why you weren't wearing shoes?”

“I had to be patted down and take my shoes off. It’s worse than LaGuardia down there.”

“Nothing is worse than LaGuardia, except for O’Hare. O’Hare is the ninth gate of hell.” Rafael said. “I need to get out of these soiled clothes and you need to be somewhere you can relax. Do you want to come home with me?”

“Will there be cheeseburgers?” Trevor tried to sound cheeky but there was nothing he wanted more at the moment.

“We can stop at Five Guys and get some burgers and fries and maybe even milkshakes. We can watch a few hours of _Law and Order_ ; Jack McCoy should definitely cheer you up.”

“Maybe.”

“OK, well get dressed and we’ll get out of here. I definitely think it’s time to end this day.”

“I think that’s the first time since we met that you’ve asked me to get dressed.” Trevor said as he got up from the couch.

“You're absolutely right.” Rafael nodded. “Don’t ever expect to hear it again.”

Trevor smiled as he went over to the chair. He quickly put his belt and watch on, sitting down to put on his shoes. They weren't ten feet away from each other and he just wanted to tackle Rafael. The stone still sat in the pit of his stomach that said he was hurt or even worse. He didn’t want to lose him but wasn’t sure how to say that. They weren't a couple anymore, hadn’t been for the longest time. 

But they were best friends. He told him that he loved him, knew Rafael loved him too. How much more could he say? He sighed and Rafael looked at him. It looked like there were a million things on the tip of his tongue as well, but Trevor might have been projecting. He put on a brave face, stood, and walked toward the door.

“Carmen, I want you to get out of here at a decent hour.” Rafael said. “Work is done for the day.”

“I'm not going to argue.” Carmen said. “Are you alright, Mr. Langan?”

“I'm going to be OK, Carmen. Thank you as always.”

“Of course.” She smiled. “Take care of him because he won't do it himself.”

“I'm standing right here.” Rafael said.

“I know that.” Carmen gathered a bunch of folders and got up from her desk. “Have a good night.”

“Goodnight, Carmen.” Trevor held up his hand to wave. He and Rafael walked to the elevator. “I adore her.”

“I just bet you do…she's always on your side.”

“Since I'm always on your side, I think that means you're doing alright.”

“Oh is that it?” he walked onto the elevator, Trevor right behind him. “I guess I should just consider myself lucky, huh?”

“Yes, Rafael Barba.” As the doors closed, Trevor took his hand and squeezed it. “Very much so.”

***


End file.
